He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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