Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
