I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
