remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
