I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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