Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
