His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
