he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
