Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
