Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize