Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
