I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
