i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize