btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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