You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
