You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
