With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
