garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
