i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
