haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
