Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
