i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
