i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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