Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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