no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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