I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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