he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
