I wanna bring you to show and tell
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
