that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
