I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
