I have demons in me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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