So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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