There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
