I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
