She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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