Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
