Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
