The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
