I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
