mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
