In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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