Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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