i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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