she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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