If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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