She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
