obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just found a bag of teeth...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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