Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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