He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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