And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
