I got chris browned last night
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
as a side note pls kill me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
