I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
