My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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