OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
