Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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