Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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