your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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