You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
