Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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