so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize