I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
