I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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