that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
