i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina is officially offended.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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