I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
