i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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