my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
