Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
