Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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