If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
