If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
