The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
