im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
