How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
