you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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