My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
