My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
