Apparently you make a good broom.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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