turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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