Michael Bay diarrhea
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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