i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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