with your own penis?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
