Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
