I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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