You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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