I want to walk on stilts...naked
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
