I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
