Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
