I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
