Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
