not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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