Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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