I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
