what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
