Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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