just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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