His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
