As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
