your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I could make wine with my vomit
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
