I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
