Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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