It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
