i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize