my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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